Marriage Equality in Washington State

Referendum 74

My Facebook post urging friends in Washington State to vote for Marriage Equality – October 2012

When I graduated from college in the spring of 1983, I came back home defeated, I had realized somewhere late, on a very lonely quiet night during my last term of college that I was attracted to men and I didn’t want that. It didn’t fit in with my hell bent determination to fit in. I wanted to be normal. 

But the agony over swept me and later that summer I told my Mom and Dad that I thought I was gay and all I wanted to be “normal.” Mom and Dad both reiterated that it didn’t matter and they loved me no matter who I was, but I said I just wanted to be normal. Over the next weeks, Mom went into action to try to figure out what they could do to help me. Many calls various local public social services in the days ahead, and quiet conversations with her friends and family and finally Mom and Dad went to see a Congregational Minister at my Aunt’s church. He suggested He should spend some time with me, so I agreed to meet with him. 

I recall vividly, sitting opposite him and telling him my feelings of attraction and my fears. I wanted him to put the fear of God to me. I wanted an antidote to become normal. Instead, he reached across his desk and took my hand and said. “John, the best thing you can do is come out, and love your life, and be a proud, productive gay man.” I was furious, and told Mom and Dad I never wanted to see that man again.

I did my best for the next 25 years working on normal, I packaged a lot of feelings and moved through life with caution, pretending to be normal, but in the end it never quite worked. 

30 years later, I am in awe of this religious church leader’s bold perspective. It was 1983, a time when AIDS was wiping out the gay community and creating fear across the world. 

It took me many years to understand my normal, this man of God, probably gave me some of the best advice for which I didn’t listen to for years to come. And when I went back to Mom and Dad, 5 years ago and told them I had accepted my sexuality and finally felt authentic, they smiled. One of my last conversations with my Mother before she died 18 months ago was regarding how happy I had been since coming out. She smiled again. It has meant a lot to me to know she died knowing I was happy.

So today on National Coming Out Day, I am switching my cover photo to support Marriage Equality here in the state of Washington. Let’s approve marriage Equality by a vote of the people. 

Plain and simple it is just one more step for some young man or woman living in fear of their feelings to see that he or she is okay, that they are equal and “normal” is within all our reaches. Everything else stays the same, but for that one young person, maybe many, marriage equality for all loving couples, will make a difference in reaching his or her own individual normal.

Please vote! Approve Referendum 74!

After posting the above on Facebook, I followed up with this statement.

Overwhelmed by the loving support received from this posting for my story yesterday. So many of your loving and kind words were heartfelt, both for you as you wrote them and for me as I read them. I am quite at peace with my own journey, it is not unique, but it is mine.

In my four plus years of Facebook postings, this posting received the most likes and comments than any other I’ve shared. WOW! Thank you. 

It is the sharing of our stories that preserves and enriches our humanity within our civilization and it the sharing of these stories that shifts perspectives of individuals and moves us forward in fairness and equality. 

That being said, just a small percentage of my friends who stepped forwarded and commented have a chance in the states of Maine, Maryland, Minnesota and Washington to make a difference in elections this next month. But the issues surrounding gay rights are not going to go away, so all of you, straight or gay, share your stories, share the stories of your friends, share your humanity and embrace the diversity in all of us. 

Unfortunately, for most of us our Facebook community is a mere reflection of our own ideologies, so share these stories openly beyond this forum and I hope that for the few more silent conservative friends I have, my story perhaps chipped away a bit of your own beliefs, fears and ideologies.

Thank you! VOTE!